I’ve had enough.
Well and truly had enough.
There are so many of us out there who are doing it so incredibly tough.
Each day I open my eyes and groan. I can’t help it. The inescapable dread of being locked up in a house with my family for another day is slowly eroding my essence. The very person I am. Once upon a time I was an optimist, I’d always be able to see the bright side of anything, even in the darkest moments… but I am that person no more. Well, at least not this week.
The daily grind is becoming completely insufferable.
Washing needs to be done.
Food needs to be prepared and cooked.
Bathrooms and floors need cleaning.
Designs need finalising.
Bills need paying.
Social Media content needs creating.
Home Learning. (need I say more?)
Add to that:
I feel incredibly guilty.
Elijah, my son, has Autism. He is ‘high functioning’ (gosh I hate that phrase with every fibre of my being).
Every goddamn day he cheerily skips into my bedroom at precisely 8am to tell me that it’s time to start home schooling. I hear his footsteps as he approaches and every fucking morning, I try so hard not be that grumpy awful mother. It’s so hard though. I just want to wake up and have the first few moments of the day to myself. Is that too much to ask?
Look, I am grateful that he loves home schooling.
I know I could have it so much worse but his need to have predictable structure each and every day is tiring. So fucking tiring.
My daughter Lily is just like me as a child.
She’s bright, independent and sassy. I find myself spending all of my effort with Elijah during the hours we home school and poor miss Lily is left to her own devices. She never complains. She never wants to be a bother. Her work is perfect.
I can’t be in two places at once and my time is unequally divided. It tears me apart inside because it’s so unfair.
My poor kids didn’t ask for this. Nor did I. This is the situation we’ve all been lumped with and somehow we have to make it work. All together, in the same space, all the time.
This week’s post is seeming somewhat miserable and self indulgent. I apologise.
It’s just so hard to be positive when the whole world is a miserable mess right now. Things that usually give me some lighthearted laughs are now ruined.
Scrolling through social media used to be fun. I loved seeing cat memes and all the interesting things that people get up to.
Now it’s just a hate filled cesspool where everyone is lashing out at each other. Calling each other names. Finding new things to be outraged about.
Dear 2020, just please hurry up and be over with.
This year has been nothing but an absolute shit storm. I want a refund.
Andrea Lucy x